Interlude: How to be an American Driver

By the end of our US trip we'd clocked up more than 2000 miles in our convertible, so we've seen a lot of how Americans conduct themselves on their roads. And it ain't pretty. Jarek and Evelyn have laid down some very choice words about the general principles over on their blog, but I think there's still room for more rules about how to fit in like a local:

• You're not a real American unless you're driving a "pickup". This should ideally be the size of a double-storey house, with a cab wide enough for 4 and a tray area that could carry an elephant. Note that you will never use any of that space though. It's just there for the look.
• Similarly, your ride should have been jacked-up an extra foot or so, and with the regular semi-reasonable tyres replaced with the ones from those trucks that work in quarries. This will make an excellent roaring noise as you progress down the carriageway, and may even hang out into the lanes on either side of you. Awesome.
  
• Your steed must be propelled by an "All-American" V8 or (ideally) the Ford Magnum V10 (did they name it after the gun, the ice-cream or Tom Selleck?). The engine capacity will be at least 5 litres, more likely 6.0 or 7.2 - necessary because your vehicle weighs two-and-a-half tons, has an automatic transmission from 1963 and has the aerodynamic qualities of Flinders Street Station.
• Because you're perched about 6 feet above the road, you needn't take any notice of the mere mortals inhabiting the lower levels of blacktop. You are king of the road, and your subjects can make way when you choose to move over. No indication or head-checking required.
• Likewise, road signs are present for the guidance of lesser road-users. Advice such as "Keep right unless passing", "Don't talk and drive" and "Speed Limit: 70" are only applicable to much less skillful drivers than your good self, who is able to flout all of the above and more, simultaneously.
• Your American road journey, no matter how short, is not complete unless you have performed the following manoeuvres:
• Used the size of your vehicle as a threat to smaller cars
• Used excessive speed as a weapon to insert a gap for yourself in traffic
• Turned onto the road right in front of another vehicle without looking (or caring)
• Ridden the horn or made an obscene gesture at a fellow driver
• Nearly killed a pedestrian

To be fair though, American roads themselves are so bad, you can see how some of the trouble started. Firstly, the road surfaces seem to be constructed of cement-coloured cheese, and thus are bumpy, pot-holed and ridged. This in turn leads to American cars operating with suspension tuned so soft that they rock like small boats in a breeze. Secondly, the road designers don't allow enough room for on-ramps, meaning you typically have to accelerate from 30 MPH to 55+ MPH in 50 metres or so - hence the need for stupidly-large engines. Thirdly, the designers (at least in built-up areas) like to put on- and off-ramps at every opportunity, meaning that the madly-accelerating traffic joining the freeway has to mingle excitingly with the madly-decelerating traffic trying to leave at the off-ramp just 100m down the road. This makes the rightmost 2 or 3 lanes a worrying place to linger, so everybody jumps in the leftmost "fast" lanes and goes very fast, making for more interesting merges with big speed differences.

Johnny has lots of new grey hairs after driving on American roads!

Yosemite Cram

After the hustle and bustle of San Francisco we were keen to hit the open road and see the "real" America, the way "real" Americans see it - the Road America, by car. We'd booked a Mustang convertible but with the usual rental car shenanigans we ended up with a Toyota Solara convertible - basically a soft-top Camry with droopy corners that somebody must think make it look "sporty". A pretty major let-down, but at least it was red.


After nipping down through Silicon Valley and seeing the lovely Carmel-by-the-Sea, we headed east - our destination, the legendary Yosemite National Park. Although we only had about half a day to see this magnificent park (people used to stay for weeks) we absolutely loved it.



We even took a tour with Ranger Greg and learnt about the art of Bear Management (or, as he kept reminding us: People Management). The rangers have been pitting their wits against the wily Black Bears for years - but every time they come up with a new ingenious "bear-proof" device, the persistence, intelligence and strength of the hungry animals comes out on top. The trouble is, when the bears get accustomed to the sugary rubbish most Americans feed on, they become reluctant to go back to berries and acorns...


We were slightly unlucky that the authorities had chosen this particular day to perform a controlled burn to prevent wildfires - thus making some of the views a bit hazy:


- but it was still a stunning place. As we departed Yosemite the sun was setting and the temperature dropped like a stone - but we braved the cold to get some snaps of the glacially-smoothed valleys at the eastern end of the park.

If You're Going To San Francisco...

...be sure to take a zillion photos there... Yes, after Chicago it was California, here we come! And our first stop was the trendy, laid-back San Francisco. Johnny had already been once before but for Bec, first impressions couldn't be better.

The tourist focus is mainly centered around Fisherman's Wharf and the Bay, so we naturally found ourselves there on the first morning and were rewarded with some amazing iconic sights:

Alcatraz Island, perfectly complemented by a passing flock of pelicans (the island was originally named for these birds, alcatraces being the Spanish word for pelican):

The Golden Gate Bridge in all its International Orange glory:


Following a strange honking sound around to Pier 39, we discovered its resident sea-lion colony which makes its home here for several months each year. The noise was incredible and they were so entertaining to watch, fighting each other for position on the wooden docks and then basking sleepily in the sunshine.

Our ride in an open-top bus across the Golden Gate was exhilarating, and very blowy! By then the trademark fog had drifted in to hang moodily around the bridge's towers.













We enjoyed riding the famous San Fran cable cars up and down the hilly streets:

And seeing how the beautiful old Victorian houses contrast with the nearby city skyscrapers (this particular row is called the Seven Sisters, one of which featured in the TV show Full House):

But the highlight of our stay was our visit to Alcatraz Island, otherwise known as The Rock. It has a fascinating history, best known for being the site of the most famous high security prison in the world, with notorious prisoners including Al Capone and The Birdman. The audio tour was awesome, with anecdotes from actual prisoners and guards to really give you a feel for what it was like.

Bec contemplating prison life:

View of San Francisco skyline from Alcatraz:

Expectations: 0, Chicago: 1

Chicago had appeared on our US itinerary almost by default - our first plan had been to go directly from Boston to Vancouver and then drive down the Pacific coast from there - but it very quickly became apparent that this would involve enormous amounts of driving for very little reward (apologies to Seattle and Portland!). So instead we decided to wedge Chicago in and then fly straight into San Francisco.

We had very few expectations regarding Chicago - beyond being the background to the car crashes of the Blues Brothers, the site of the Elevated railway from The Fugitive and the home of the Cubs we knew almost nothing about the place. We liked the Mayor's greeting on the posters at the airport - "We're Glad You're Here!"


It was certainly helped by having stunning weather to set off its waterside setting, but we really enjoyed taking an architectural tour on the river, pointing out the different styles and approaches to the skyscrapers that define the city. Johnny was also blown away at the amazing fact that the Chicago River now flows in the opposite direction to its natural course. Yes, in the early 20th century, Chicago undertook a bigger engineering task than creating the Panama Canal and fixed their drinking-water problems by making this highly-polluted river flow out of the lake rather than into it.


We both loved Millennium Park, a recently-created green space that joins the business district with the lakeside - Bec becoming particularly transfixed by the stunning sculpture Cloud Gate by Anish Kapoor, which perhaps inevitably is referred to as The Bean by Chicagoans:


We also enjoyed the lakeside areas, which have become so beach-like in places that we felt compelled to hire rollerblades!





We also were compelled to visit the observation deck of the John Hancock Center, Chicago's tallest building, which has a stunning view due to Chicago's air being reasonably clean and its ground being exceptionally flat.


After 3 days in Chicagoland, we were extremely impressed with the town. We're glad we came!