YAGGAGC

Londoners, bless 'em, are very savvy about many things. Most, for example, know that bicycle-rickshaws, Harrods, and Madame Tussauds are London's biggest rip-offs and are to be avoided at all costs. But you could guess that. Some have the Central London Tube Map etched into their cerebrum, allowing instant journey planning and trouble-avoidance:


Not bad. Unfortunately though, very few Londoners would know a good cup of coffee from a bucket of tar. (This does put them ahead of most Americans though, whose drink of choice is a bucket of burnt tar).

As such, finding a really good coffee when you're away from your known-good haunts can be really tough. So Johnny, programmer-nerd, coffee-snob, and soon-to-be-ex-Londoner, has come up with a ready-reckoning system to give you the best possible chance of finding something passable. If any of the following conditions is TRUE, You Ain't Gonna Get A Good Coffee. Sorry. As a consolation, the further you get down the list, the better it will probably be:

• The establishment lists "Coffee" on the same line as "Tea" on the menu
• The particular style of coffee (e.g. Cappuccino) is spelt wrongly
• After taking your order for your Cappuccino/Latte/Whatever, your server turns and punches a button on a machine, and turns back to you
• You can't see the milk that's going into your coffee
• The café does not have a big, chromey, Italian coffee machine sitting prominently on the front counter
  
• The café does not have a freshly topped-up bean-grinder next to the big Italian coffee machine
• You have to add your own sugar at the end of the process
  
• The coffee machine does not have a human servant tending to its every whim and foible, meticulously wiping it down between shots, whispering sweet nothings in its openings, and generally treating it like the deity it is
• Your coffee-preparer does not bash the living hell out of the groupheads between cups to make sure there's no old grounds left in there
  
• Your coffee-preparer does not watch the milk as they froth it (despite having done it a million times before)

So there you have it. Good luck, intrepid coffee-connoisseurs, and May The Froth Be With You ...

Brighton - Ticking all the boxes

Brighton, on England's south coast, could well be said to be "London's beach getaway town" - in just 50 minutes by fast train, you can swap pigeons and pie-and-mash for seagulls and scampi-and-chips. Way back in June we decided to pounce on a particularly nicely-forecasted Saturday and see what Brighton had to offer.

In order to truly understand the appeal of Brighton, you must first grasp the fundamentals of the English seaside:

• The weather will most likely make actually going in the water extremely unappealing
• Thus, there must be plenty of amusements on hand
  
• The more (knowingly or not) outdated and/or tackier the amusements, the better
• There must be deckchairs
• There should be a seafront promenade, which all visitors must tour up and down
  
• There must be {fish/scampi/burger}-and-chip outlets all along the sea front
• No matter what the weather, thou shalt have an ice-cream
• If thou art a small child, thou shalt drop thy ice-cream and cry

In this regard, Brighton delivers on all fronts. But it goes even further, adding to the mix:

• A genuinely unique maze of lovely, quirky shop-filled lanes just behind the sea front
• A completely bonkers Royal Pavilion built by the Prince Regent in the early 1800s
• A whopping-great pier with an amusement-park on the end (not just a few dodgem cars either)
• A thriving local culture embracing two universities, a gay scene and live music

We were perhaps fortunate to visit Brighton on a sparkling summer day, but it was an absolute delight. After wandering though the eclectic and interesting independent shops of The Lanes, we arrived at the seafront promenade to this vista:


As per English Seaside requirements, we promenaded in both westerly and easterly directions, before stopping for refreshments, and plenty of 'em. It was seriously warm!


A visit to the Pavilion is an absolute must. Truly breathtaking in scale and ornate detail, both inside and out:


Finally we crunched our way out onto the beach itself and enjoyed the simple pleasures of England's gentle, non-threatening sunshine:

Oyrgpuyrl Cnex

We recently welcomed Brush and Bel to London - primarily they were here to see Wicked, but we got to hang around with them for a few days on either side, which conveniently included John's birthday. We still don't quite know how, but the topic of Bletchley Park came up at Johnny's birthday dinner, and the idea of a nerd-excursion to the home of modern computing was born.


For those who have no idea of the significance of Bletchley Park, and/or haven't seen the film Enigma, here's the quick summary. In WWII, the Germans used a machine called an Enigma to encrypt their radio communications.


It was an electro-mechanical machine which used a system of rotors to ensure that every character was encrypted with a different key to the one before it. The Germans believed their system to be unbreakable. They didn't reckon on the persistence, pluck and absolute brilliance that was assembled at Station X, the "Codes and Ciphers School" based in Bletchley, an hour north of London. Winston Churchill was a very keen supporter of this team of elite chess players, mathematicians and crossword-puzzle solvers, and they didn't let him down. In particular, a mathematician from Cambridge called Alan Turing devised a machine which would test a particular "crib" or suspected Enigma configuration in just 15 minutes, enabling the British to stay one step ahead of the Germans and ultimately win the war. This machine, the "Bombe" was the forerunner to the computer sitting in front of you right now. What makes it even more incredible is that your machine would take roughly twice as long to crack the code, such was the power of Turing's design.

Bletchley Park is now a museum, showcasing the fascinating work that was done at Station X, including guided tours of the various huts, and lectures from clever people who understand some of the technology. We sat in on a one-hour "Introduction to the Enigma" lecture, which was superb, and gave us an idea why the Germans believed their device to be unbreakable - there are 150 million million million possible configurations!

There simply wasn't enough time to see it all - luckily, the ticket gives admission for a whole year, so nerd-boy here can come back again and again...

2008 - What sucked, what rocked...

About a year ago, we summarised the pros and cons of our first year in the UK. With another year gone and a different, London-centric perspective, here's an updated list for 2008:

Things That Rocked:

• Travelling with friends and family. Really boosts the enjoyment factor! We were lucky enough to meet up in various exciting new places, with both "travelling friends" living in Europe and friends from home on holiday. Who will come and share the fun in 2009, we wonder?
  
• Commuting by Bike. The Langster has well-and-truly paid itself off, and is now a London rarity - an asset gaining in value! Johnny is also a substantially fitter unit than a year ago, and ten kilos lighter!
  
• Concerts. The array of musicians that visit London is astonishing. You could quite easily see a world-famous act every night of the year. While we didn't go that far, we did see Queen, Kylie, Bon Jovi, Scouting For Girls, The V Festival, The Fratellis, The Feeling, and Bec even saw Celine Dion. Johnny wants no association with that one...
  
• London Social Life. So much to do, lots of friends (new and old) to do it with. The contribution www.lastminute.com makes to the possibilities is also noted! It's been great for cheap West End show tickets and restaurant deals.
  
• Parks and Gardens. We've loved seeing them change with the seasons. But really, any time is always a good time to escape the bustle of the city.
• Getting to know "Our Town". London isn't a city you can get to know in a week, or even a month. Perhaps you can never really know all of it, due to its size and diversity. But in the last year, we've enjoyed becoming familiar with life in "Our Town". There's no doubt it can be an intimidating place, but there's a tremendous buzz and huge rewards in uncovering its secrets.
  

Things That Sucked:

• Tube crowding. The Underground is a great system, but is frequently a victim of its own popularity. Johnny avoids it where at all possible.
  
• Crowds in general. The flipside of London's popularity and attractions is the truly staggering number of people that swarm the streets. But we're getting to know ways to beat the crowds...
• Air Travel just gets worse. America is even worse than Europe, but why is the whole palaver so bad? Getting on the plane is now a relief after the shenanigans that precede it! Bec is also becoming more nervous with each and every take-off...
• Job-Hunting got especially challenging as the Credit Crunch loomed. Contract work in London used to be the way to go, but the situation is now definitely reversed. We certainly wouldn't recommend arriving at Heathrow without a locked-in job right now.
  
• Missing Home. If you're reading this, we miss you!
  

A Look At London: Winter Wonderland

London must have read our previous blog posts about how much we adored Canada's snow-covered beauty, and thought: "I can beat that!" Here's what we woke up to this morning:

Unlike a large proportion of Londoners we actually did make it into the office, albeit a little later than usual. The delay was caused partly by the near collapse of London's public transport system under the weight of the heaviest snow fall in 18 years, and partly due to the slight detour we couldn't resist taking through a gorgeous, snow white Hyde Park:

The fun didn't stop there though - here's what Bec found across the road when she finally arrived at work:

Fantastic Plastic

Ever since John was a small boy (insert joke here), he has loved LEGO^® - the king of toys. And for as long as he has known of the existence of LEGOLAND^® he has wanted to go. For many years, this would have meant getting to Billund in Denmark, surely an adventure in its own right, but hardly accessible. But since 1996 there's been an easier option for British LEGO^® fans - LEGOLAND^® Windsor. Yes, right next to one of the Queen's official residences at Windsor Castle. Unfortunately the admission price is such that even the Her Royal Highness would wince should she ever decide to pop in. Luckily we'd done some homework prior to our visit back in September, and had secured a 40p packet of crisps that gave us 2-for-1 entry to the park - saving some £32 (AUD$70 - $90 depending on the crunchiness of the day's credit) - winner!

Our impressions at first were underwhelming. It was a sunny Sunday in the middle of summer, so the park was heaving with kids, prams, strollers and other "family stuff". Johnny inwardly fumed at the slow-moving crowds but kept quiet - you can't really have a whinge about all the kids when you're visiting what is clearly a children's theme park! The rides were very tame, even the ones with the most potential dangers listed (always the ones to ride first!), and the queues were horrific. Johnny's childhood dreams were crumbling before Bec's eyes! But it turned out that the park's planners had saved the best for last. Miniland is the true jewel in the crown - where the park shows that it's more than just a collection of kiddie rides and overpriced food stands. More than 40 million LEGO^® bricks have been used to create 1/20th scale recreations of some of the world's most recognisable landmarks, plus a stunning compressed version of London. The whole thing is finished off with immaculate landscaping including in-scale bonsai trees, waterways with moving boats, and (Johnny's favourite) working trains. We both absolutely loved it!

Here's Leuven Town Hall in Belgium, and a canal scene in Amsterdam:

Big Ben, Edinburgh Castle and the Sacré Coeur in Paris:


Johnny towers over Central London, and the Royal Coach exits Buckingham Palace Gate:

10 Things You (Probably) Didn't Know About London

November already! Scary! We've now officially been living in the UK for two years, and London for one. So to celebrate, here's a list of 10 "insider" facts about London you may not have known before. Oh, and to keep you on your toes, we've made up one more. Which one? Leave us a comment if you think you've picked it - answer in the next post.

1. Riding the Tube for long enough will result in a syndrome known locally as "Black Bogies" in one's nostrils, commonly explained away as congealed dust from the train's brake pads. But this is only partly true. Yes, it's 30% brake dust (giving the black colour) but the rest is human skin particles. Ewwww.
2. One-in-three London households do not own a car. (Melbourne: one-in-ten).
3. Both of us work in the area of Soho, which used to be Henry VIII's hunting grounds. When a hunter spied a deer, he would shout "Tally-Ho!", but with a smaller prey, the cry became "So-Ho!". New York also has a SoHo, but this is an abbreviation for the area South of Houston [Street].
4. Currently playing in London: 34 musicals, 12 comedies and 53 dramas.
5. The big coffee chains in London are Starbucks (bleh), Costa Coffee (awful), Coffee Republic (never tried 'em) and Caffe Nero (passable), with an astonishing 962 stores between them in London in December 2006, and presumably many more by now. Our hot tip for a good coffee when in Central London: try AMT (often found at mainline stations), Monmouth Coffee, Flat White in Soho or Sacred in Carnaby.
6. The Tube carried over one billion passengers last year. That's more than the entire population of Australia each day.
7. One of the options at Gordon Ramsay's 3-Michelin-starred restaurant is an entrée of oven-roasted squirrel in a hazelnut and truffle oil velouté.
8. If you see someone riding around London with a clipboard attached to their scooter's handlebars, they are almost certainly an aspiring taxi driver "Doing The Knowledge". A London cabbie has to know all the streets within a six-mile radius of Charing Cross. That's 25,000 streets. In addition, they have to know all the places of interest (schools, restaurants, churches etc) on those streets, including such details as the order of theatres on Shaftesbury Avenue. In the test, the examiner gives two points. The cabbie-to-be must recite the quickest and most efficient route, naming each street and turn on the way there. At any point, the examiner can ask for a description of what is "alongside". Hence the "knowledge boys" on their scooters have to drive every street to learn these features that can't be absorbed from a map.
9. In a single week, the average male Londoner drinks 13.9 units (almost 7 pints of beer) and a woman 4.9 units (2-3 glasses of wine). This is actually the lowest average intake of all UK regions.
10. The average speed of a car driving through Central London: 10.2 mph (16.3 km/h). The average speed of Johnny on his bike in the morning: 11.1 mph (17.7 km/h).
11. There are an estimated 200,000 French people living in London - making it (theoretically at least) the fourth-largest French city.

A Look At London: Park Life

For all of its constructed landmarks, London has an incredible collection of parks - 5500 acres in all - and when the sun shines (it does, honest!) thousands of people pour into them, including the two of us!

The closest park to us is Hyde Park, a monstrous green space, great for jogging around and reading papers in. We've discovered the squirrels there are very partial to Belgian chocolate!

If you walk south and east for about 45 minutes, you can continue through Green Park (which is as generic as its name suggests) to one of our favourites, the intimate St. James's Park. With a lovely lake and the tamest squirrels and waterfowl in London, it's a great contrast to the breakneck pace of Central London.


Not too far away is Regent's Park, which is, well, quite regal. It also boasts a beautiful lake and bird collection, along with a stunning array of English roses.


Walk north past London Zoo and you're climbing up Primrose Hill for a fantastic view of London from one of its highest points.


Most recently we visited Kew Gardens, a beautiful garden which, despite costing money to get in (and it's not cheap!) and being directly under the Heathrow landing path, is a lovely day out. We went there last weekend with Hammer and Anna and it looked gorgeous with all the trees changing through their autumn colours.

Taking a Punt

It's no secret that we love London, but it's important to get out of the city every now and again and see the rest of beautiful England. So many Aussies-in-London use the city as a base for European excursions and don't actually see any of England's charms - not us though!

After all, what could be nicer than a lazy sunny Sunday in Cambridge with some friends? With Bron and Andy we headed into the countryside to explore this famous university town. After a scenic train ride, and a quiet pint with a roast for lunch (in the pub where the discoverers of DNA enjoyed the same), we wandered around town, enjoying the great weather and the relaxed-yet-academic air of the place. But we all had a not-particularly-secret agenda: To Punt On The Cam. And so we were drawn, as if by magnets, to the Silver Street bridge, a mecca for would-be punters and puntees alike.

The young lass spruiking for student-powered and -guided punt-tours implied that if we were to self-propel, it would be very difficult for us to get any further down the river than "a couple of bridges". That was a direct challenge to our (hitherto unknown) punting skills, and a challenge that could not be ignored.

Johnny took on driving duties first, which proved very challenging - getting the boat under control and under a narrow bridge while an endless stream of boats came back the other way! Annoyingly for a town with a stellar reputation in science and technology, the punt refused to obey the laws of physics - pushing on the starboard side of the boat would cause the boat's nose to swing starboard, not port as you would expect. This took a lot of getting used to, but together with strategic use of pole as rudder, we all got the hang of it in the end.


... as Bec demonstrates here!


Cruising along through beautiful scenery, past impressive buildings and under many bridges, we each took turns "working the pole" while the others relaxed. A true English experience we can definitely recommend.

A Tale of Two Weekends

It's amazing what a difference a week makes. One weekend you're eating bacon and egg sarnies and glugging cider in the middle of a field, the next you're savouring Best End of Lune Valley lamb with garlic purée and quaffing Côteaux du Languedoc 2003 in the middle of seven courses.

What are we on about?

Well, the first weekend was the V Festival - a two-day music festival held out in Essex. Yes, after swearing he'd never go to another festival after the mudfest that was Glastonbury 2007, Johnny was somehow convinced to try it again. Damn that Bec and her persuasive powers! But the tidy line-up (which included Lenny Kravitz, The Feeling, Muse, The Kaiser Chiefs and The Verve) was also a considerable factor working against his extreme dislike for camping in fields and chemical toilets. Not camping in chemical toilets, mind you. Although sometimes it can smell like you are... Thankfully, the weather was far superior to Glasto, although the atmosphere was definitely not as electric, with the whole shebang having a distinctly commercial feel.

Quite a contrast to our outing the following weekend, to Aubergine, one of London's finest restaurants (with a Michelin star to prove it). If you're not familiar with the Michelin star rating, it is frequently used in Europe as a measure of culinary excellence, although you might be fooled by the official definitions - 1 star is "a very good restaurant in its category", 2 is "excellent cooking, worth a detour" and 3 is "exceptional cuisine, worth a special journey". Seeing as there are only eleven 2-star restaurants in the whole of the UK, it's almost certainly going to require a detour to try one! The food was, unsurprisingly, exquisite, as were the carefully-matched wines that accompanied our seven-course dégustation - the only bitter taste being the frankly horrific bill at the end of the evening. Ouch. Bec was blissfully unaware of this though, having been given the "non-payer's" menu at the start of the night - identical to Johnny's except for the strategic omission of the prices!

Here's a montage of our experiences. Which would you prefer?

A Look at London: Ye Olde Tower Of London

We are lucky to be in a quite unusual situation in that we have a lot more explore-time than most tourists who visit this great city, but haven't yet hit the been-there-done-that threshold which (we assume) must exist for every resident. So we thought it might be interesting to give our thoughts on London's various attractions in an occasional series. For our first instalment we'll be reporting on The Tower of London.


First and foremost, it should be noted that The White Tower, the tallest and most readily-identifiable structure in the complex, is going to be swathed in scaffolding and plastic sheeting for the next THREE YEARS while it gets refurbished. You can still go inside - there are numerous rooms full of weaponry and suits of armour, including Henry VIII's hyper-codpieced mid-life-crisis sports model - but your exterior photos will not be quite as instantly recognisable. You'll still have a great angle on Tower Bridge though!


Of course, no visit to the Tower is complete without a stickybeak at The Crown Jewels - you'll be whisked past them on a travelator, but there's nothing to stop you going back for another look. Frankly, they're not the most impressive bit of royal jewellery on display. Queen Victoria's crown features a diamond comfortably bigger than a golf ball.

There is a MUST DO when you go to the Tower however. The Beefeater Tours are free with your entry ticket, run several times a day, and are definitely well worth hanging around for. On our visit, we had a real tough-nut ex-paratrooper who was also absolutely hilarious. He'd ask the assembled crowd a series of simple questions, to which we'd all dutifully reply "yes", "yes", "yes" etc until he'd throw in a trick question - we'd reply "yes" and he'd bellow "NO!!!!!" Terrifying but funny. He picked on Bec for being a "ginger" (like Queen Elizabeth) in between teasing Americans for being fat and stupid. Legend.


He also had a neat explanation for the "ER" on the front of his tunic:

"Would've thought it was obvious. It's 'cos I work for 'ER (jerking thumb towards Buckingham Palace) isn't it?"